Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas
(a little late I know)

Its a weird feeling this Christmas, it being the first Christmas with out my father. It felt kinda empty even though dad usually would sit on the lounge and watch TV while at my aunts (his usual ritual) But just knowing that he wasn't there was heart breaking. I thought about it, it was always in the back of my mind, especially when I walk past his usual spot and see that he is not there. Its strange cause this year there was no camera out, my father would always have a camera in hand ready to take any happy snaps. I held any tears back and just tried to think happy thoughts, but my mother broke down in tears and held on to me. I really feel for my mother, I feel guilty at times too.

Dad I miss you!! Love you!! Wish that we had more quality time together.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Invisible – Wanting to be seen

Invisible once, invisible now, probably always invisible. Use to strive to be seen, soon gave up due to constant disappointment. Though I have been seen, seen only when needed, but what about when I am in need? Promises made to keep me near, I am seen by someone who cares, seen for a little while, but then I fade and become that blind spot again. Promises broken and I’m expected to understand always. But promises I’ve made or if ever I break them or find it hard to cope, then I am made known about, reminded when things go sour, the one blamed cause its always my fault. That’s my weakness, promises I can not keep or lose sight in the whole idea in the first place, I then disappoint those closet to me, or whom I’ve lead to believe are close to me.

Just waiting to be seen…..